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Calvary Herald |
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“It is 10 p.m. Do you know what your children are doing?” This is a question we need to take seriously. Several years ago a common question was “It is 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are?” The times have changed and are still rapidly changing. Technological advancements provide much greater access to computers, cell phones, digital cameras, IPods, and other such items for our covenant youth. It is easy to think that as long as our children are quiet at home and in their room everything is okay. This may not be the case.
Technology is great if used properly; however, it is also a great private conduit into unrighteousness for any who want to use it for that purpose. That is why I began this article with a question. I believe it is an important question for us to think about in regard to our covenant youth. The way you answer the question will depend much on your relationship with your children.
God made us social creatures. It was not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2:18) We are created in God’s image. The triune God is in relationship with within the Trinity. It is not surprising that humans would be created with relationship needs. Parents have to be aware of these needs in the very early stages of parenting, not when they are concerned with relationships that are being developed in the teenage years.
We must develop conversational contacts with our offspring. In the early parenting years, or at any time, we cannot let television or some other type of technology be of greater importance to our children than the family relationship. (In saying this, we also need to realize that we usually should not begin a conversation with our children at the climatic part of a program we have allowed them to view.)
As Christians we have to be willing to spend time with our children. We cannot think that questions that evoke an answer such as “Fine” or “Okay” are what we need to ask to get to know our children. We cannot expect solid relationships to be built by just asking “What time is your soccer practice?” or “Do you want tomatoes on your hamburger?” as you sit at the fast-food drive-through window.
Out of His love, God is greatly concerned with the relationship between Himself and His people. He initiated and entered into a covenant relationship with His people. He inspired His Word to be written. Jesus left heaven and lived among people on earth for some thirty-three years. The Holy Spirit regenerates Christians and indwells them until their death. Humanly speaking, God spends much time with His people.
As parents, we must give serious thought as to some ways to do this within our own family. This means relationships must be a priority in the family. Schedules will have to be adjusted accordingly. Some items may have to go, because they are less important than building a child-parent relationship.
I believe it is important, as a family, to schedule to eat together at least one meal per day. This meal should occur with the television off. Conversation allows us to better know one another. This conversation should involve not just mom and dad but the children also. If conversation lags there are always questions that can be asked that will generate more than a one or two-word response. At Lord’s Day meals good questions can be asked regarding what was learned in worship and Sunday School. Baptisms and the Lord’s Supper provide many opportunities for fruitful discussions. Weekday questions could include “What did you study in history today?” or even a joke a family member heard.
We must also be willing to listen to the stories and accounts our young children tell us. These accounts may not be much interest to us. We listen because they are of interest to our children and allow us to better build a relationship with them.
As our children grow older it is important to have an understanding of the culture in which they are growing up. We cannot and must not think the culture or moral issues are the same that we faced at their age. What music are they listening to? What heroes are being promoted and why? What are the fashions of the day? How are youth using technology? Having some knowledge of youth culture better enables us to know the cultural temptations our children face and how to teach them to be discerning in the midst of these temptations.
By having a good relationship with our children as they grow up, that relationship should continue in the teenage years. We must never think that because our youth are in the covenant or are in a solid church that parenting becomes secondary. It does not.
We must plan to know, have access to, and visit with some regularity the web pages our children have. These webpages can be real opportunity for Christian witness. However one duty for us as parents is to have access to these pages. If we have a good relationship with our teenagers this should not be a problem. After all, these pages are posted for the world to see, why shouldn’t parents be involved?
Our children will develop relationships. It may be with strangers in chat rooms, cell phone conversations, emails, or through personal web sites. As parents we must make sure that by God’s grace these human relationships are secondary to the parental relationship that has been built over the years of the child’s life..
©2006 Byron Snapp, Hampton, Virginia |
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